History of Ego: Conception

Conception

A Little Andrew Dicey...eh...oh!

"Like I give a shit what you think asshole face." - Andrew Dice Clay

If I only had a dick, I'd already have a solid career with great pay and an established retirement fund.

If I only had a dick, my two bachelor degrees and magna cum laude status would have been sufficient to land me respect and an amazing job being a complete fucking asshole prick to my underlings.

Instead, I have a vagina.  That means, my two college degrees are only good enough to get me secretarial positions where I sit and look pretty and answer the phone and mind my own fucking business because no one wants the opinion from my vagina having bitch self.  That also means that I was the one chosen (by chosen I mean, the tyrant of the house informed me) to be a stay at home mom; therefore, foregoing what career I did have established and taking myself out of the job market for 3 horrific, miserable, just-shoot-me-in-the-face-cuz-I-can't-stand-my-kids-24/7 years.

Now here I sit realizing I have no financial security for my so-called "golden years."  By that, they mean the years you shit yourself and let underpaid, overworked, drug-addicted underlings abuse and neglect you.  Sounds golden!  (If you are a nurse, I'm not referring to you.  I'm referring to the other pieces of turd you work with.)

If I only had a dick, I wouldn't be so unbelievably stressed out about how I will care for the life-sucking mooches that are my children in the years to come.  If I only had a dick....

I keep hearing about these amazing wages men in ND are getting paid in attempt to compete with the oil field.  Apparently, if I had a dick, I would be getting paid almost twice my current wage.  Because, if they didn't pay me more, I could just leave for the oil field.  That's the mentality, and that's what I keep being told.  We "have" to pay them that or they'll just leave for the oil field.  What about me?!  

If I only had a dick, I could afford to live here without worrying about depending on my ex for child support to care for my children.  If I only had a dick, I could afford a nice house with a yard, where I could plant flowers, put a swing set, and watch my children grow happily.  If I only had a dick, I could blackmail my employer into paying me more.

If I only had a dick...

#BOGO Two Truths for the Price of Tough Shit!

                                          

Superficially Deep, Realistically Superficial

Dear Google+ user who said "a real man will love you for what's inside, and not care about appearance',

Are you fucking serious with this shit?  I don't care if they are "real" or "men," we ALL care about appearance.  Have you EVER seen someone in a social setting, and decided to introduce yourself because you were attracted to their intelligence or sense of humor?  How would you even get to that point without first finding them attractive enough to talk to?

I'm sorry, but I'm going to admit it.  I'm superficial. Wait, no, I'm not sorry.  I'm superficial, you're superficial, I'm just saying it and you're not.  So, shame on you!

If you haven't had the great joy of being on dating sites because you're desperate (insert my name here), then you haven't had the pleasure of the douche bag guys looking for sex...oh, wait, looking for a "long-term relationship" (yeah, right!)... with no picture posted.  Out of pure curiosity and disgust that women may actually go for this, I asked a few for pics.  Then I'm accused of being superficial.  God damn right, I am!  If you're ass is butt fucking ugly, I'm NOT going to bother to meet you for a drink, or dinner, or a movie, or anywhere!

So, what you say is that genuine people don't care about what's on the outside, but what's on the inside.  I roll my eyes, gag myself, and call bullshit!

                                                                  That's an ugly baby!

But we don't tell people they have an ugly baby!  Instead, we say things like, "What a cute outfit!" Or, "Oh, that bow in her hair is sooo cute!" See, most times, it's what we don't say that defines our relationships with the people around us.

Sometimes, friendships can be created unknowingly through this method of not saying things.  When you meet someone new, and you make polite nice-to-meet-you small talk, you may start to realize this person is very boring, and not quite with you in the wit category.  But, you remain polite and pretend you're interested in what they have to say.

You continue this behavior each time you see this person, and pretty soon you have each other's cell numbers, you're facebook friends, you're in each other's google+ circles...and now you have a friend you don't even like because of what you didn't say.

Maybe we should say more of what we really think.

I Can Admit It. You Were Wrong!

My bet is that the most popular unspoken truth is, "I was wrong."  I could easily write a novel about the things we DO say in place of that phrase.  Instead, for now, I will briefly serve you my distaste for it all on a silver platter of judgment.  I exclude no one, not even myself, from my harsh "wag of the finger" at the bullshit that spews forth when we realize we are wrong.

1.  Subterfuge - sub·ter·fuge (ˈsəbtərˌfyo͞oj/ noun

noun: subterfuge; plural noun: subterfuges

Deceit used in order to achieve one's goal.

synonyms:

trickery, intrigue, deviousness, deceit, deception, dishonesty, cheating, duplicity, guile, cunning, craftiness, chicanery, pretense, fraud, fraudulence trick, hoax, ruse, wile, ploy, stratagem, artifice, dodge, bluff, pretense, deception, fraud, blind, smokescreen; informalcon, scam

This is THEE technique for the expert who wants to evade detection as a piece of shit bastard who was wrong.  To begin with, the type of hypocrite or double agent who utilizes this technique is already in a class of their own.  Why, you ask?  Well, because they intended to be wrong.  They just didn't intend to get caught. When approached regarding their deception, they quickly resort to subterfuge.  Example:

"Why have you been unavailable every night after 9pm, and remain unavailable until 10:30am?"  - anyone asks

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe I'm only getting 30% of my texts to come through?  Or do you just automatically assume I deserve to be called names?" - douche dicks who are wrong and won't admit it

It pains me to point out the obvious to the novice, here.  Please, do tell, how would said douche dick know only "30% of (his) texts (were coming) through?"  Follow me, here, now; if you are only getting 30% of your text messages while out of the country, how would you know? From your perspective, you'd assume you were getting 100% of your text messages, would you not? If you can't follow me to this point, drop it, give up, and go live back under that rock.

2.  I feel guilty for blogging about certain personal matters, and this is my pathetic way of admitting I was wrong.

I regret only one blog.  But regret is regret, and the measure of "how many" equaling "only one" is quite insignificant.  Of the 12 original blog entries I deleted for reasons I've already mentioned in other entries, this wasn't even one of those.  There is, and should be, a limit to honesty.  There is a fine line between trying to be completely honest and trying to be a spiteful bitch.  The difference between the two being motivation.  I may have been motivated to end a friendship due to a lack of trust and honesty.  But the way in which I chose to end said friendship was motivated by spite.  Such an ugly motivator.  Such an ugly result.  I was wrong.  No maybe.  No might be.

3.  Numbers 1 and 3 are nonsensical additions to help camouflage my embarrassment for doing something I regret.  I regret the letter.  I regret the obvious attack.  I was wrong.

      

  

Unconditional Lovelessness

"You've been a disappointment to me your whole life." - Ron LaCount to his own son

               Ron is a selfish, ego driven, attention seeking, narcissistic individual who finds pleasure in causing suffering in his children.  He used incessant insults, criticisms, and sarcasm to communicate his rejection of his son.  He blamed Dan when he failed to conform to the idea of him Ron created.  He brainwashed Dan into believing he was unworthy of love and affection.  He instilled shame in his son through constant displays of disappointment and rejection.  He created an atmosphere of fear that his son would be punished if he disappointed him.  He orchestrated deliberate tactics to prolong and reinforce emotional suffering and feelings of inferiority in Dan. 

                When Dan displayed the behaviors typical of an abused child, Ron displayed disgust knowing he caused these behaviors with his deliberate and sadistic abuse.  He caused his son to become an adult with low self-esteem, anti-social behavior, and a negative perception of the world.  His abuse caused Dan to have difficulties forming relationships and created a self-destructive aptitude in him.  Ron’s abuse caused his son to be prone to addictions.

                Ron’s intentional destruction of Dan’s sense of self worth made him a hostile man who lacked the ability to empathize with others.  Ron orchestrated the removal of his son as a partner in his company for becoming the product of his abuse.

                Dan poured his life into that company.  But Ron’s low opinion of him and his vocal and obvious disapproval of him spread within the company like a virus.  Soon, nobody found Dan to be credible, and nothing he ever recommended was taken seriously.  He was stripped of his confidence and was never seen as a decision maker or treated like the partner and owner he was.  He lost his passion and was defeated by the disregard of his father and the unspoken support Ron gave to the rest of the staff to treat him like a nobody whose opinion didn’t matter.

                Believing that you must live up to an expectation to be perfect leads you to believe you deserve to be rejected and ashamed, and that others are justified in their disappointment in you.  Shame is the most powerful master emotion – it is the fear that we are not good enough.  The greatest prison people live in is the fear of what other people think.